Sometimes I wish I had someone who would text me first, but then I remember all the guys who did and I realize how many fuck ups I’ve made in my life. That’s when I realized, it’s not that I haven’t met a nice guy, it’s that I have driven them away.
This feeling inside of me, it’s dominating. The feeling gained a voice and now’s whispering, chanting itself into my reality. I’m fighting myself. I’m battling my inner self. It isn’t a demon nor an angel, it’s me; I’m doing this to myself. There are no dragons to slay, no ghosts to defeat, no monsters to kill; it’s all me and the voices in my head. The chanting grows as the day passes, the whispers turn into screams. The nightmares are here to stay. I cannot say the same about myself.
You know the story, a boy dreamed of changing the world. The boy fought. The boy lost. Then a girl tried followed in his footsteps and society got her killed. They came in during the night. They implanted fear in the young ones. The best way to kill is by taking the future away. No hope means no reason to fight for. We played their game all along, but we were pawns, not players. We never had a chance.
The shadows dance to the sounds in my head. Listen. Watch. Scream. There they are. Now they’re not. The car lights brings them back. I lose my sense of place. I dream of you, of nightmares thanks to you. No mirrors are here, but the eyes in the darkness reflect in their gaze the fears I could never forget. They see my every move. No escape. No point in screaming. Forsaken. The voices seduce me. They call my name. My skin feels the touch of the cold breeze. The whispers intensify. The moonlight is absent. The shadows engulf me. Fingers run down my spine. They are shouting into my ears. I can hear them in my head. They are coming. They are knocking on my door. I’m frozen. There’s no place to hide. They are here. They are here…
It was at that moment when I found out I liked you. All the other boys disappeared, but you. That’s the moment I thought: “Oh fuck…”.
It all started back in my senior year of High School. I had just finished writing my first book and was looking for new projects to invest myself into. I can’t really remember how I came across Tumblr, but since that day, October the 6th of 2011, I embarked on a journey I had no idea would be both extremely thrilling and yet, so time consuming. All in all, I’ve met wonderful people and many ideas for future books were born out of some random posts in here. To all of you who have been following me, I thank you for making me feel like Booking Thoughts was worth investing my time into. I guess we gotta move on now.
With time one learns the truth of life: the ones who actually appreciate you will do anything in their power to keep you in their life. The rest are lessons.
Is he handsome handsome or is he one of those guys who takes advantage of their camera’s low quality pictures?
Another year has gone by. I look at you and I see new faces, old friends and maybe even one or two ghosts from the past. Another year has gone by. All these memories coming back to me right now. All the fun we’ve had, all the fights and all the fucks up as well. Another year has gone by, but this time, this time I’m ready for a change. Let my new year begin.