It was in the middle of the night when I dared to ask you how long this would go on. How long would we keep the farse alive, pretending that we still love each other till death do us appart. You looked at me and finally I understood. I was dead to you.
As I sit in our balcony on top of our isolation, I see the city lights shimmering in the dark of the night. The yellowish lights contrast with my human solitude. I stare at them, the people in the city and I feel sad. If only they knew about the white lights and colorful clouds hidden in the dark skies, maybe then they would turn their lights off. Maybe then they would stop ignoring how small we truly are.
I’m sorry for mistaken you for the muse you could never become. I tried so hard to make things work, but you can’t force love. That’s why the canvas always stayed blank. We never had anything to paint it with.
I want to travel the world with you. I dream of watching how the sun rises and falls sitting by your side while holding hands. But I’m afraid that after doing so, you might leave me one day and then there won’t be any place, any sunrise or sunset that won’t remind me of you. And to live without you in a world that only means something because of you, how do you expect me to do that?
As I sit on the sand in the beach, I watch the full moon in the starry night and in the breaking sound of the waves I listen to the stories I will live. I would love to share those stories with you, if only for a time. For without you, I would feel like a moonless night.
Bohemia was my life. The moon was my mother and the stars, my sisters. I danced and laughed all night long. Then you came and showed me the light of day. You were my sun, but I got too close to you and was burned by your love. Now only ashes remain.
You learn more about yourself from the people who hate you than from the people who love you.
You know you’re in love when you stay up all night talking to that person and wake up as early as you possibly can to see if he texted you good morning. When stalking him on Facebook because let’s be honest, we all do that, and you smile through every single one of their pictures. When you like even his worst tweets because you know how happy he gets when others like his stuff. You know you’re in love when you can’t tell the difference between your happiness and his.
I met a guy. That’s kind of a big deal. He’s nothing special really, but to me he is. It’s like your favorite pair of underwear. Nobody appreciates them the way you do. They make you feel good, perky and sexy. They’re comfortable and they’re yours. That’s how I feel about this guy. He brings the best in me and I have yet to know his name. I don’t really know him, but I already love him.
Most people drink to forget, I drink to remember. What? I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll never remember, but I gotta keep trying. The doctors tell me to stop, that this could only end badly for me. They don’t understand, they never will. Whatever lies hidden forgotten in my mind, it gives me hope. I need it to give me hope. ‘Cause what if one day I wake up and remember, but I don’t like what I remember? That’s what the drinking’s for.